YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED AT WHY YOUR CHILD IS REFUSING TO EAT (AND HOW MAKING A FEW SIMPLE ADJUSTMENTS CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING!)
Here are the most common reasons why your child is refusing to eat at meals, and what to do about it:
1. SHE FEELS PRESSURED:
If a child feels pressure to eat or senses that you as the parent are anxious at mealtimes, she will likely back off and not eat. Toddlers and young kids sense pressure, even if it’s not as direct as “eat your peas!” If you focus too much on what and how much she’s eating during a meal, instead of allowing her to simply be another eater at the table (while you focus on your own meal), she will back right off. Perhaps you push food closer to her, watch her every move, hover over her, continually take uneaten food off of her tray and replace it with new food, talk about her lack of eating, or try to spoon-feed her–these are all forms of indirect pressure.
How to fix it:
Let your toddler self-feed and eat at her own pace at meals, provide lots of food variety at meals in manageable amounts, and let her be in charge of whether and how much she eats.Try your best not to hover over your child. I know–it’s hard not to when she’s hardly touching her food. Sit back and engage in conversations with the whole family, including your child. If you can think about mealtime more so as family bonding time than “get my kid to eat time”, your child won’t feel as pressured and will be more open to trying new or previously rejected foods.
2. HE FEELS LIKE HE HAS NO SAY:
We know from research that kids eat better when they have a hand in helping with shopping, preparing, cooking or serving their meal. That’s why it’s important to include kids in meal prep–even getting them to mix together ingredients or set the table can help. And even though parents should ultimately be in charge of the “what’s” of feeding, kids might feel as though they have no control over what they’re fed if parents don’t include them in choosing foods once in a while. They may grow bored of what you serve them, or perhaps they don’t like the way that their foods are placed on their plate.
How to fix it:
It’s important to set healthy boundaries and uphold your responsibility of “what, when and where”, but it’s also ok to let your kids be a part of the process. Get them involved in shopping, prepping, menu planning, cooking, serving and cleaning up! Yes, involving your kids can make the process a bit longer and maybe a bit more frustrating, but the benefits are huge and it’s worth it. Patience is key!
3. HE’S BORED:
I’m like any parent and get stuck in “food ruts” where I serve the same thing over and over again. Translation: major kid boredom. Here’s an example: after my third baby was born, I felt as though I was in survival mode for a few months (I still do sometimes) and sent my son to school with the same snack pretty much every day. A healthy granola bar, cheese or yogurt and a piece of fruit. Yep, the same thing over and over again. He started coming home with most of his snack uneaten not just once, but pretty much every day. In my sleep-deprived state, I didn’t realize that he could be growing tired of his snack, even though he used to love it.
How I fixed it:
I asked him why he wasn’t eating his snack and he said “I don’t know, I just don’t like it any more”. I then asked him if he was bored of it and he replied “yes I’m bored of it”. We then came up with a few new and different snack option for him together and I try to rotate through three or four of them so that he doesn’t get bored. We get bored of certain foods and so do our kids. This is usually an easy challenge to overcome.
4. SHE’S SIMPLY NOT HUNGRY:
We now know that toddlers’ and kids’ appetites can be unpredictable and erratic at the best of times. After the age of two, growth slows and stabilizes which means that toddlers aren’t as hungry as they used to be. We’ve talked about kids having “hungry days” and “full days” and that could mean that one day, your child out-eats everyone at the table, and another day he doesn’t eat much at all at his dinner. As long as you’re maintaining your feeding roles and staying consistent with mealtime boundaries, your child should be in charge of whether and how much he eats. It is possible that your child is simply not physically hungry when a meal is served (for whatever reason) and that’s ok.
How to fix it:
Try to accept “I’m just not hungry” as an acceptable answer, and remind your child that the kitchen will be closed after mealtime.
5. SHE’S DISTRACTED:
Allowing your kids to watch TV, watch an iPad, or play with toys at the table is a recipe for distraction. Screen distractions can work in two ways (both of which are negative in my mind). When a child is watching a show or playing a game on an iPad while eating, he is focusing most, if not ALL, of his attention on the show he’s watch- ing or game he’s playing. There is no attention left for eating his meal, let alone listening to his tummy. With a screen in front of them, kids will can easily under or over-eat because they’re just not paying attention. Young kids have a hard enough time focusing on their meal with minimal distractions let alone a big shiny moving screen in front of them. The same goes for toys and playing with siblings at the table.
How to fix it:
Set healthy boundaries by not allowing screens or toys at the table while eating. Seat kids strategically so that they can’t touch each other. Also, put a footstool under your child’s chair so that they feel as though their feet are steady and stable (this could potentially be another distraction).
6. PORTIONS ARE TOO BIG:
Some kids are turned off of a meal simply because the portion that they’ve been served is too large and over- whelming. This was never a problem with my oldest son, but is definitely a problem with my daughter. I used to serve her the same amount that I served my son (this was a mindless habit that I got into), but then after many meal rejections, realized that I was serving her too much. We were wasting food and my daughter was overwhelmed with the portions that I was offering.
How I fixed it:
When I cut her portions down (by more than one half!), she started eating her meals again and sometimes even asked for more. I served her less of everything, but still made sure that she was getting a nice balanced meal. I realized that I am like his too–if I’m served too large of a portion of any food, I immediately become turned off and don’t eat as much.
7. HE’S NOT FEELING WELL:
If your child isn’t feeling well, it’s unlikely that he or she will eat well at a meal. This is often the first sign that an illness is coming on. In this case, make sure that you keep your child hydrated, and offer easy-to-digest foods such as white rice, banana, white bread, soda crackers, popsicles, soup and apple sauce until his/her appetite returns.
How to handle it:
Offer foods often when your child is sick but don’t push them–fluids are most important. If you’re noticing that your child isn’t interested in eating and is acting a bit “off”, unusually tired or lethargic, this could be the case.
Your child could also be having digestive troubles (such as constipation or acid reflux) which can make it uncomfortable to eat. If you suspect that this is the problem, focus more on higher fibre whole grains, fruits and veggies and lots of fluids (constipation) and steer clear from high acid foods such as tomatoes and citrus fruits, and spicy foods (acid reflux). If these issues persist, talk to your child’s doctor or a paediatric dietitian for further help.
8. TOO MUCH MILK (OR JUICE):
Between-meal-milk-drinking can have a satiating effect. Milk contains fat as well as protein—two nutrients that make kids feel full.
How to fix it:
Toddlers and children should be offered no more than 500mL (two cups) of milk per day. Try offering half a cup at each meal (or right after), which leaves room for another half cup before bedtime if that is part of your routine. Water should be the only fluid offered between meals for hydration.
Juice contains excess calories and sugar that children don’t need – it fills them up with little nutritional value. Did you know that a 250 mL (1 cup) juice box contains six teaspoons of sugar? If your children drink juice, limit it to no more than 125 mL (1/2 cup) per day and water it down (and offer at meals with food).
9. THERE ARE TOO MANY SNACKS:
Kids who “graze” between meals often, or snack randomly throughout the day may come to the table feeling too full to eat. their meal. This is why it is so important to establish structure around snack times.
How to fix it:
There should be a designated snack time where one or two foods of the parent’s choosing (such as yogurt and fruit or cheese and crackers) are offered, rather than snacking being a random free-for-all in between meals. Toddlers and young kids need to be given the chance to build an appetite for meals, otherwise, they won’t eat much and it will be harder for them to learn self-regulation. This not only disrupts family mealtimes, but can also affect a child’s nutritional intake and overall relationship with food over time.
10. HE’S TOO TIRED:
It is very possible that your toddler or young child is simply too tired to eat. After a long day of playing, daycare, preschool, kindergarten etc. some kids just don’t have the energy to bring fork to mouth. If you’re finding that your child is fussy, easy to cry, rubbing his or her eyes, or otherwise showing signs of “hitting a wall”, that’s probably what’s happening.
How to fix it:
Encourage him/her to fill their tummies before bed as best as they can, and remind them that there is no more food until morning. If they don’t eat much, know that they’ll make up for it at some point the next day or during that week, so there’s not too much to worry about.
If you’re finding that your child is tired regularly at dinner however, it might mean that they need an afternoon nap (or morning nap–my daughter does much better with this). You may also want to consider having an earlier dinner. We got into the bad habit of eating dinner at 6:30pm or later and noticed that dinnertime was a disaster every night. We decided to move it to 5pm and it made a world of difference.
Did you know that we offer personalized nutrition counselling for kids and families? If this is something you’d like to learn more about, please visit The Centre for Family Nutrition.
Original post on YMC
Are You A Short-Order Cook? The Truth About Making Separate Meals For Your Kids
8
Nice article its very helpfull thanks for sharing
Thanks for the great advice and insight. I’m a recently-divorced father of a 7-year old girl and am quite concerned about her eating. She splits time between me and her mother and we have very different parenting styles. I try not to pressure her but your advice was an eye-opener. My concern, though, is with her own self-imagine.
My daughter is very small for her age and is very self-conscious about her size: she weighs 41 lbs and is constantly being told how “cute” and “tiny” she is by well-meaning adults and (occasionally less well-meaning) children. She’s very mature and intelligent but people assume she’s 4 or 5, which she finds very infantilizing and upsetting. I don’t know if her self-consciousness about her stature is related to her eating habits in some sort of psychological negative-feedback loop. I do believe, however, that there’s a self-imposed pressure component that increases her anxieties about eating. I understand that putting more pressure on her (however subtly) can exacerbate the problem. However, I’m not sure how to help break her out of the self-conscience/food-anxiety loop.
Hi Robert. Thanks for reaching out. You’re asking great questions. I run a counselling practice called The Centre for Family Nutrition. If you’re interested, I’d love to chat more about how I can help. Please email me at .
This post is very helpfull for me. Thanks for sharing.
In my opinion, the problem with digestion or absorption of food, for example, digestive disorders in children are one of the reasons why children don’t want to eat. On the other, the main cause of digestive disorder in children is imbalance of gut bacteria.
Hope my comment will help people who are having problems feeding their children.
I am also experiencing the same problem with my 1 year old son. He does not seem to have any interest in food, and every meal lasts for hours. I will practise the solution which the article has shared. Hope to have more good posts like this.
I’m happy you found this article! Please feel free to email me at . I’d love to hear if the stratagies worked for you!
Hi. My 3 yr old goes to daycare. She is there for ten hours a day. For the past two or three weeks she has not been eating at all. Only some drinks.. But when she gets home she eats fine with no problem. But she drinks a lot a alot of milk. Exspecially at bedtime.. What could be the problem?? Could it be medical or just a stage??
Hi Cynthia. It is normal for kids appetites to increase and decrease. I am assuming she has been at the daycare in question for longer than 3 weeks? Was she previously eating okay there? Has anything else changed? Kids can be tricky when it comes to eating. Feel free to send me an email at . It’s important for all caregivers to be on the same page when it comes to mealtime and feeding dynamics :). I also have a counselling practice if you’re looking for some one-on-one guidance. For milk I recommend no more than 2 cups per day as it can displace other nutrients. Hope this helps!
Hi Sarah. My girlfriend allows her 4 year old daughter to snack constantly. When it’s meal time she never wants to eat. I’m not sure how to broach the subject with her, but I feel like it’s not a very good habit to continue in the long run. Any advice would be much appreciated.
Hi Joe. Thanks for reaching out. You are correct. Snacking (or grazing) throughout the day actually provides kids with less food intake (and therefore nutrition) than if they had scheduled meals and snacks. One way to encourage regular meals and snacks would be to set the example. Invite everyone to the table to enjoy their snacks and meals together. As adults we forget about snacking, but it is important for us too! Feel free to pass along my email ([email protected]). Your girlfriend is welcome to contact me with any questions. Good luck!
Thanks for sharing this informative blog about child food. Babies mostly do not want to eat food they need some different taste every time. By this blog I am much familiar about baby food and how we can rid of it.
I’m near tears and at the end of my patience with my almost 2 year old son. I’m here at 10:29 pm after frustratingly trying to force him to eat something solid even if it had been a couple of spoonfuls I would’ve been happy. He’s down to only eating one solid meal a day and 1 light snack! I’ve taken him to see his pcp but they referred me to therapy which I’ve been going to for almost two months and we’re still waiting for a “diagnosis” meanwhile I’m over here begging that he won’t lose any weight and become to weak
I left a comment after reading the article but I forgot to thank you because I think tomorrow will be a better day since I have a new perspective. I won’t try to force him to eat and I’m not going to give him any juice or milk tomorrow unless he eats.. I hope that helps and that I’m not wrong
Hi Jeannette. I would love to hear how things are going. Please email me at . My lead counselling dietitian ([email protected]) is available to meet with you one-on-one if you are interested. Our goal is to create happy, healthy, independent eaters. Mealtimes shouldn’t end in tears and frustration. We are here to help!
arigato senpai for the information
Most of the comments here and literally the whole article is about toddlers. I have a 16 year old daughter who has erratic eating habits. She has had them for the past 2 years and since then, has progressed a bit, but she often finds herself telling me and my husband that she “isn’t hungry” and it worries me that she isn’t eating enough. She will eat, forcedly. For her own good. What can we do? Is it ok for her to skip meals frequently? Do you have any suggestions? Maybe it’s not your specialty but I was hoping I would find some answers.
Hi Juliet. I can sense your concerns. Would your daughter be interested in meeting with a dietitian to discuss her relationship with food? I’d love to hear more. Please email me at , or contact my counselling dietitian Kathryn (at ) to hear more about our practice.
I’m not liking the replies to comments I’m seeing. It seems as though the author of the article will only address people’s issues or comments through private emails. I understand that every situation is different as every child is. However, I don’t find it helpful or respectful to ask for people’s comments who you know are reading this article because they are struggling with this specific issue and then to merely say “email me” especially without expectations of cost or what types of services you could actually provide. If you want your post to be informative, then do that. If you want your post to be an ad for your services then let it been know up front. Please present your purpose first, I promise won’t need to try and rope us in.
Hi Kay. Sorry you feel that way. If I can answer a question via the comment section I definitely will, especially if the answer is one that will help multiple readers. Sometimes the question is pretty straight forward! For instances where the question is more complex I really do require more information to help. This is where I will ask the commenter to contact me via email so I can get a better understanding of their child and situation. Sometimes I can help through an email conversation, but based on my professional assessment I might suggest seeking proper counselling from a registered dietitian. There’s never a cost associated with emailing me, so please don’t hesitate to reach out. I truly am here to help!
I like the tips. Alot are comon seance type things. I do alot of them already. I let my 4 year old daughter tell me what she wants to eat. I give her what she wants and often let her help with prep. But we are having a problem. It doesn’t matter if she chose or not or if its healthy or junk food. She never eats more than 3 or 4 bites of anything. I cut back on her drinks, w.i.c. told me to. Still only eats 3 or 4 bites at a time. If i tell her to eat another she holds it in her mouth for way to long or starts gagging and choking when she swallows. She is constantly complaining her belly hurts b4 and after eating. She was born with an imperferated anus and a vaginal attreasha. Could it be a medical issue? She wastes everything and even cookies and ice cream are a 4 bite quit. What should i do? I can feel every bone in her body. I am afraid i have a 4 year old anorexic. Please help.
Hi Koreen. Thanks for reaching out. Does she complain about a sore belly for all foods? How is her stool? I would advise you to contact your family doctor to discuss your concerns. Your doctor can take a multidisciplinary approach and get a Registered Dietitian and a Speech Language Pathologist involved (to assess her diet and oral motor function if necessary). My thought would be she’s limiting her consumption due to belly pain – is there a family history of celiac disease perhaps?
Hello,
I’m a single mom of an almost four year old son. He’s my wild child. Really empathetic and sweet but stubborn and sneaky lol. I work fourty hours a week on minimum wage. Most of his time is spent at his aunts who is the only person I can find willing to watch him at five in the AM. That being said he is almost four and only thirty pounds he’s short and tiny. And getting him to eat has been a struggle as he only wants Mac and cheese which is lunch time at his aunts. Getting him to eat a green bean or a vegetable is a battle. This month I got pediasure which he gets one a day before bedtime and he only gets a little glass of milk during the day then it’s water. He has juice at his aunts but I don’t buy it for home. It’s mainly water. I’ve tried everything to letting him help choose dinner to telling him he gets nothing after dinner. I have started refusing to make him anything else other than his pediasure if he doesn’t eat dinner. He gets yogurt or cheese and crackers or grapes and blueberries for a snack. He loves fruit and he loves to snack I’m just at my wit’s end with the vegetables kid won’t even eat real mashed potatoes so between the vitamins and shake im not worried about nutrients I am worried about him developing healthy eating habits any ideas?
Hi Ashley. I have so many ideas! But first, please know that you’re not alone! So many parents are struggling with what to feed their kids, and kids are tricky little humans :). Secondly, you’ve come to the right place. I’d love to connect with you further to chat about how I can help. I think it would be best if you met with my counselling dietitian to get you on the right path. You can reach her directly at , or email me at for more information. Registered Dietitians are often covered under your health insurance, so it’s worth a check. I hope this helps. Looking forward to chatting more!
Fantastic article! I included a link in my recent post at https://whenfithitstheshan.com/2019/01/28/6-techniques-to-try-when-your-kid-eats-all-the-time-except-during-meals.
Thank you again!! Very helpful!
It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had. The way to live in the present is to remember that ‘This too shall pass.’ When you experience joy, remembering that ‘This too shall pass’ helps you savor the here and now. I loved the opinions expressed herein and thank you for this wonderful article on parenting.
At what age can kids start giving input for meals? I’d like to try this method to see if it’ll help with my daughter’s picky ness, but she’s only 17 months old. Is there a way to get kids involved at a young age?
17 months might be a little young for having mealtime input, but I like where you are going. My suggestion would be to make a list of acceptable snacks to post on your fridge (crackers and nut butter, sliced fruit and cheese, toddler friendly trail mix, etc). Not too many that it would be overwhelming, but enough to make it feel like your daughter is involved in determining her own snack. When in truth you are still in control! Hope this helps.