The reasons why a child between the ages 2-5 refuses to eat might surprise you. The good news is, making a few simple adjustments can change everything!
If you’d like to learn more about this topic in a visual way, check out my Google web stories on 5+ reasons your child refuses to eat and what to do!
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As frustrating as it is, food refusal is 100% normal
There’s nothing quite as frustrating and defeating as spending time prepping, cooking, and serving a meal, only to have your child refuse to eat.
Having three kids myself, and knowing the importance of nutrition for growth and development (after all, I am a pediatric dietitian), I know just how hard this can be.
As much as we want to micromanage our child’s food intake though, doing so creates major power struggles, mealtime meltdowns and stress for everyone.
Here’s the thing:
Kids’ eating patterns are random, unpredictable and all over the map. That’s why it’s so important not to go into mealtimes with an agenda, and focus on what you CAN and SHOULD control. Before diving into the 10 common reasons a child refuses to eat, let’s go over division of responsibility in feeding.
Division of responsibility in feeding (sDOR)
I’m a big fan of the division of responsibility in feeding (sDOR).
This philosophy comes from Ellyn Satter, who is a childhood feeding expert and author. Her strategy has been heavily researched and has been proven over and over and over again to work wonders with families and children.
The sDOR distinguishes between a parent/caregiver’s responsibilities in feeding and the child’s responsibility:
Parents/caregivers are in charge of:
- What is served
- When it’s served
- Where it’s served
Kids are in charge of:
- Whether they eat
- How much they eat
As simple as it sounds, this philosophy will transform your mealtimes. I promise!
99% of picky eating issues stem from the sDOR not being followed. And with good intention, well-meaning parents go into meals with an agenda, and believe it’s their job to “get their child to eat”.
Repeat after me: “It’s NOT my job to get my kid to eat”.
Sarah Remmer, RD
When we start to feel frustrated and defeated in the face of picky eating, we can often resort to techniques such as:
- Bribing: “if you eat three more bites of broccoli you can have dessert”
- Shaming: “your brother always eats his vegetables, so why can’t you?!”
- Punishing: “no TV tonight for you because you didn’t eat all of your dinner”
- Forcing: “you cannot get down from the table until you have had two more bites”
- Distracting: “you can watch your favorite show while you eat your dinner”
These may act as short-term solutions, but they can negatively affect our kids’ eating and nutrition long term. Although these tactics are extremely tempting, especially when you’ve witnessed your little one finally eat a decent portion of their meal as a result, looking through your “short-term feeding lens” (“I just want him to eat his meal!”) actually sets your child up for failure later on.
Overtime, kids stop trusting their own physical hunger cues and become less intuitive, relying more on external cues to tell them what to eat, and picky eating habits become worse.
Feeling frustrated and hopeless with your picky eater?
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How to set up kids up for eating success
The more pressure they feel, the less likely they’ll eat and enjoy mealtimes.
This is the opposite of what we want as parents.
We want to nurture our child’s natural ability to eat intuitively. We want our kids to trust their bodies and learn how to self-regulate. We want our kids to have a healthy long-term relationship with food.
Understanding why a child refuses to eat
To give you some context into why your child may be refusing to eat, I’ve listed the 10 most common reasons a child refuses to eat below (and some possible solutions).
Like I mentioned earlier, kids’ eating patterns are all over the place and there are so many factors that play into if and how much they eat.
As long as you:
- follow the sDOR
- focus on your responsibilities as the parent (what, when and where)
- keep mealtimes as positive and pleasant as possible, and
- focus on your own meal
you’re doing your job as the child’s parent/caregiver!
10 common reasons a child refuses to eat at meals
- They feel pressure
- They feel that they have no say
- They’re bored
- They’re simply not hungry
- They’re distracted
- Portions are too big
- They’re not feeling well
- Too much milk (or juice)
- There are too many snacks
- They’re too tired
1. They feel pressure
If a child feels pressure to eat or senses that you as the parent are anxious at mealtimes, they will likely back off and not eat.
Toddlers and young kids sense pressure, even if it’s not as direct as “eat your peas!” If you focus too much on what and how much they’re eating during a meal instead of allowing them to simply be another eater at the table (while you focus on your own meal), they’ll become anxious and likely resist eating.
Perhaps you:
- push food closer to them
- watch them every move
- hover over them
- continually take uneaten food off of their tray and replace it with new food
- talk about their lack of eating
- try to spoon-feed them
these are all forms of indirect pressure.
How to fix it:
Let your toddler self-feed and eat at their own pace at meals, provide lots of food variety at meals in manageable amounts, and let them be in charge of whether and how much they eat. Try your best not to hover over your child. I know–it’s hard not to when they hardly touch their food. Sit back and engage in conversations with the whole family, including your child.
If you can think about mealtime more as “family bonding time” than “get my kid to eat time”, your child won’t feel as pressured and will be more open to trying new or previously rejected foods.
2. They feel that they have no say
We know from research that kids eat better when they have a hand in helping with shopping, preparing, cooking or serving their meal.
That’s why it’s important to include kids in meal prep–even getting them to mix together ingredients or set the table can help. And even though parents should ultimately be in charge of the “what’s” of feeding, kids might feel as though they have no control or say over what they’re fed if you don’t include them in choosing foods once in a while.
They may grow bored of what you serve them, or perhaps they don’t like the way their food is plated.
How to fix it:
It’s important to set healthy boundaries and uphold your responsibility of “what, when and where”, but it’s also ok to let your kids be a part of the process.
Get them involved in shopping, prepping, menu planning, cooking, serving and cleaning up! I never thought I’d say this, but my kids love packing their lunches now using their Fenigo leak-proof lunchbox sets. They also love these zero waste lunchbox accessories, too.
Yes, involving your kids can make the process a bit longer and maybe a bit more frustrating, but the benefits are huge and it’s worth it.
Try serving meals family-style (sort of a like a deconstructed meal!). Place all of the ingredients on the table and let your kids build their own meal. This still allows you to be in charge of what is served, but gives your kids a sense of independence and control. This strategy works really well with meals like tacos, yogurt parfaits, pasta nights, stir-fries, homemade pizza, buddha bowls and oatmeal “sundaes”.
3. They’re bored
I’m like any parent and get stuck in “food ruts” where I serve the same thing over and over again. Translation: major kid boredom and eventual food refusal.
Here’s an example: after my third baby was born, I felt as though I was in survival mode for a few months (I still do sometimes!) and sent my son to school with the same snack pretty much every day: a healthy granola bar, cheese or yogurt and a piece of fruit. Yep, the same thing over and over again. He started coming home with most of his snack uneaten not just once, but pretty much every day.
In my sleep-deprived state, I didn’t realize that he could be growing tired of his snack, even though he used to love it.
How I fixed it:
I asked him why he wasn’t eating his snack and he said “I don’t know, I just don’t like it any more”. I then asked him if he was bored of it and he replied “yes I’m bored of it”.
We then came up with a few new and different snack option for him together and I try to rotate through three or four of them so that he doesn’t get bored. We get bored of certain foods and so do our kids. This is usually an easy challenge to overcome.
Switch up serving styles. Something as simple as changing the shape or texture of food can make a difference to a child. If raw cauliflower, carrots or celery are too crunchy, steam them. Mix cucumber “coins” with strips, or try sweet potato “fries” instead of roasted sweet potato, or butternut squash soup instead of baked butternut squash! Experiment to see what they like best.
4. They’re simply not hungry
We now know that toddlers’ and kids’ appetites can be unpredictable and erratic at the best of times. After the age of two, growth slows and stabilizes which means that toddlers aren’t as hungry as they used to be.
Kids have “hungry days” and “full days” and that could mean that one day, your child out-eats everyone at the table, and another day they doesn’t eat much at all at his dinner.
As long as you’re maintaining your feeding roles and staying consistent with mealtime boundaries, your child should be in charge of whether and how much they eat. It is possible that your child is simply not physically hungry when a meal is served (for whatever reason) and that’s ok.
How to fix it:
Try to accept “I’m just not hungry” as an acceptable answer, and remind your child that the kitchen will be closed after mealtime.
5. They’re distracted
Allowing your kids to watch TV, watch an iPad, or play with toys at the table is a recipe for distraction.
When a child is watching a show or playing a game on an iPad while eating, they are focusing most, if not ALL, of their attention on screen. There is no attention left for eating their meal, let alone listening to their tummy. With a screen in front of them, kids will can easily under or over-eat because they’re just not paying attention.
Young kids have a hard enough time focusing on their meal with minimal distractions let alone a big shiny moving screen in front of them. The same goes for toys and playing with siblings at the table.
How to fix it:
No toys at the table and no eating in front of the TV (that goes for parent too—no phones at the table!).
Many well-meaning parents depend on screens or toys to distract their child into eating two or three more bites, but this is counter-productive and can make the problem worse (and create a pesky, hard-to-break habit!). Screens and other distractions interfere with a child’s ability to self-regulate and tune in to their appetite.
6. Portions are too big
Some kids are turned off of a meal simply because the portion that they’ve been served is too large and overwhelming.
This was never a problem with my oldest son, but is definitely a problem with my daughter. I used to serve her the same amount that I served my son (this was a mindless habit that I got into), but then after many meal rejections, realized that I was serving her too much. We were wasting food and my daughter was overwhelmed with the portions that I was offering.
How I fixed it:
When I cut her portions down (by more than one half!), she started eating her meals again and sometimes even asked for more.
I served her less of everything, but still made sure that she was getting a nice balanced meal. I realized that I am like this too–if I’m served too large of a portion of any food, I immediately become turned off and don’t eat as much.
7. They’re nervous or scared to try it
Imagine trying a foreign food for the first time, without knowing how it tastes or feels in your mouth. You might be tentative too! Kids have more taste buds than we do too, so all foods have a more intense taste for them.
How to fix it:
Try the tester plate! Try introducing a tester plate to sit next to your child’s real plate or bowl. This is reserved for those foods that are unfamiliar, scary, or “yucky.” Kids don’t have to eat or even taste the foods on this plate, but they can touch them, smell them, mush them, stack them, lick them, or even taste and politely spit them out. It’s a safe and fun way to explore the food without actually eating it. And it brings kids 1 step closer to eventually accepting them later on! The other option is just making sure that foods are separate on their plate. Some kids don’t like foods touching one another so going with a divided plate can work well too. This is my favourite one.
Acknowledge their bravery. Parents often praise their kids for trying new foods or eating certain amounts. Although well intentioned, overpraising at meals sends the wrong message. We want our kids to eat intuitively and to learn to love a variety of foods in their own time.
Instead of praising, notice and acknowledge your child’s bravery when trying something new by saying something like, “That was so brave of you to try the broccoli tonight!” It will boost their confidence and increase the likelihood of your child being more adventurous with other foods too.
Try a “tester plate” for unfamiliar or previously rejected foods. It often works like a charm!
Sarah Remmer, RD
8. Too much milk (or juice)
Between-meal-milk-drinking can have a satiating effect. Milk contains fat as well as protein, two nutrients that make kids feel full. Too much milk can displace other important nutrients too, filling precious tummy space that should have room for a variety of different foods.
Too much milk and juice can also negatively affect dental health.
How to fix it:
Toddlers and children should be offered no more than 500mL (two cups) of milk per day. Try offering half a cup at each meal (or right after), which leaves room for another half cup before bedtime if that is part of your routine. Water should be the only fluid offered between meals for hydration.
Juice contains excess calories and sugar that children don’t need – it fills them up with little nutritional value. Did you know that a 250 mL (1 cup) juice box contains six teaspoons of sugar?
If your children drink juice, limit it to no more than 125 mL (1/2 cup) per day and water it down (and offer at meals with food).
9. There are too many snacks
Kids who “graze” between meals often, or snack randomly throughout the day may come to the table feeling too full to eat their meal.
This is why it is so important to establish structure around snack times.
How to fix it:
There should be a designated snack time where one or two foods of the parent’s choosing (such as yogurt and fruit or cheese and crackers) are offered, rather than snacking being a random free-for-all in between meals.
Toddlers and young kids need to be given the chance to build an appetite for meals, otherwise, they won’t eat much and it will be harder for them to learn self-regulation. This not only disrupts family mealtimes, but can also affect a child’s nutritional intake and overall relationship with food over time.
10. There’s a real medical reason affecting your child’s ability to eat
It is possible that there is a real, physical or medical concern affecting your child’s ability to eat. Here’s 4 legit reasons for picky eating:
Eating is uncomfortable
Eating may actually hurt your child, if there is an underlying medical concern. This could be caused by food allergies, reflux, eosinophilic esophagitis (painful erosions in the esophagus), or severe constipation. Other non-food related conditions that affect comfortable eating are breathing or muscle movement conditions (congenital heart defects, severe asthma, or muscular dystrophy).
Eating feels weird
Kids with sensory integration issues may be more sensitive to tastes, textures, smells and even the sight of food (they just feel more intense!). Sometimes, they simply can’t feel food in their mouth (this is where food pocketing may come in) or they only feel comfortable eating foods with a uniform texture (only crunchy or only smooth).
Eating is just too hard
When oral-motor control and function are compromised, such as with a cleft palate or with malformations of digestive or oral muscles (trachea or esophagus, tongue), eating can be really really tough and painful. Not to mention severe dental issues, enlarged adenoids and tonsils. Ouch! In some of these cases, it is worth seeking professional help from a qualified speech language pathologist, especially if your child can’t chew, or swallow solid foods comfortably by about 15 months.
Eating is scary
Kids who experience trauma while eating — even with no history of picky eating — may refuse to eat (especially the particular food culprit). Think choking, or maybe an experience where a child was forced to eat. Or maybe they got sick (vomited), felt extremely nauseous afterward, or inhaled (aspirated) a food. All of these experiences can make food “scary.”
How to fix it:
If you think this might be the case, it’s important to consult with your child’s doctor and request a referral to a qualified Speech Language Pathologist, Occupational Therapist and/or Paediatric Registered Dietitian who specialize in feeding issues.
Did you know that we offer personalized nutrition counselling for kids and families? If this is something you’d like to learn more about, please visit The Centre for Family Nutrition.
Comments
ara young says
my 3 year old grand daughter has refused to eat since her baby sister was born 2 months ago. It’s like she is refusing to eat to get more attention from her mother even if it’s negetive attention what can we do?
Sarah Remmer says
Hello Ara, I am sorry you’re struggling with this. I would recommend you contact our team so we can help you in a more personalized way.
Melissa Parker says
Thank you for sharing I am struggling with my five year old he recently did have a choking experience and now i feel is he either scared to eat or just doesn’t want to eat he will eat snacks no problem but when it comes to normal food he sits and chews it until it’s liquid and struggles to swallow it. I have taken away all snacks hoping he would eat but it’s just becoming upsetting for us all be the won’t eat and I’m starting to worry so I am reaching out to his doctor as maybe it could be something else I don’t know.
Sarah Remmer says
Hi Melissa, I am so sorry you are all going through this scary and tough time. I would definitely need more information from you before I can suggest something here. If you’d like to have a consultation with our team, please do reach out to us at bookings@sarahremmer.com . Sending you so much compassion and strength right now!
Alyson Rinaldi says
Great advice…VERY eye opening! I do have some questions, though: what do we do with the food that he refuses to eat? Package it up and save it for another meal/when he says he’s hungry? Does he still get his before bed snack if he doesn’t eat dinner? How long is an acceptable amount of time to wait for our son to eat once the rest of the family has finishes? Thank you so much! We are looking forward to trying out the rest of your tips!
Sarah Remmer says
Hey Alyson! Thank you for taking the time to reach out. I’m glad you found this helpful and eye-opening. Your role is to provide the what, when and where. So yes, you could save leftovers, but it would likely be better to have the whole family eating the same thing. In terms of timing, when following the Division of Responsibility, the child determines when they have had enough to eat, not the parent.
If you’re interested, please feel free to sign up for my Mealtimes Solved program here https://www.sarahremmer.com/shop/mealtimes-solved-2/. You’ll get lots of support on this very issue!
Vanessa eiras says
We are having issues with our almost 5yr old daughter. She is very picky and wants to live off hotdogs, pancakes, pizza, and snacks. We limit snacks so she doesn’t get full on them and also limit milk. Dinner time seems to be the issue.. she manipulates us with “my head hurts” or “I’m tired” just to get out of eating what we all are eating for dinner.. we do ask her to at least try the food but she refuses and throws the biggest fits and literally gives herself panic attacks. We have not gone about it in the best way (doing a lot of what you say not to do .. sorry) but we want to make this a better experience for us all and we just can’t wrap our head around the best way to go about it. We worry that since she gets her way constantly at grandmas she thinks it’s that way all the time or is this something else. Idk seems like we make progress sometimes and then it’s like right back to the freak outs just to try mashed potato’s.. please help us
Sarah Remmer says
Hi Vanessa, first of all, thank you for taking the time to reach out. This is so tough and frustrating, and know that you are not alone in these struggles! It sounds like you could use some one-to-one support. If you’re interested, please feel free to sign up for my Mealtimes Solved program here https://www.sarahremmer.com/shop/mealtimes-solved-2/
Or book an appointment with our team: https://www.sarahremmer.com/book-an-appointment/
Kayla says
Hi! So my question is this…I’ve tried to follow this approach some with my 4 year old but the main roadblock we usually face is. If I set a plate down in front of her with some things she’s unfamiliar with and say cheese cubes (her favorite and usually my safe food to put on her plate). She will typically eat the cheese cubes and then ask for more. If I say yes then she ends up only eating cheese cubes for dinner, if I say no then she usually says she’s done even though she must still be hungry if she was asking for more. So what do I do? Because if I say “you have to eat some of your meat first” then that goes back to bribing right?
Sarah Remmer says
Hi Kayla! Oh boy, I can totally relate to this frustration. I guess my first question would be — are you eating together as a family and modeling eating a variety of foods together, with zero pressure or comments on which order to eat certain foods? That is when things typically backfire because kiddos will find that point of resistance and run with it. It’s so frustrating, but takes a lot of patience and practice to be neutral about food. If you would like to chat about this in further detail, please feel free to contact me directly! I’d love to help.
Robert Munson says
Good morning,
I have an almost 3 yo son, and a 5 yo daughter. My daughter initially was a picky eater but by the age that my son is, she would eat everything from fish, legumes, curry, spicy, no nuggets as she likes protein with the bone; the gambit really of being a essentially a foodie.
My son has no problem eating it’s just a struggle to get him to transition to solid proteins, eggs, potatoes, and most fruit. I thought it might be a texture thing but he eats and loves real dried figs, bananas, and apples yogurt, mix veggie legume pouches. He won’t even try the “normal” things most kiddos will try bread, potatoes, protein in any form. That being said he will always eat his “green stuff” he calls it. It’s a mix of garbanzo, and (alternating other legume), sweet potato, carrots and spinach. It’s more chunky than purée.
To put things in context he said cracker snd cookie before mommy even though he never had any snack early on. Just hearing his sister mention them. He now has never met a snack he doesn’t like. I always put different foods on his plate but he won’t touch them!
Is this a phase to ride out? It’s frustrating, especially when we travel.
Sarah Remmer says
Hi Robert, I can definitely relate to your frustration and am sorry you are going through this! I want to assure you that this is normal for kids to go through food jags. If you’re really struggling, my book has some great resources, or you could book a consultation with me or my team so we can help you figure this out.
Roxy says
We try to follow your advice but I know we sometimes inadvertently end up pressuring our 3-yr-old to eat. He is generally a good eater at child care but often eats little or nothing but his small milk at dinner. He has started to wake up with a tummy ache, which we think is a sign that he is hungry from not eating dinner, but explaining this hasn’t seemed to help, and a reminder at dinner that if he doesn’t eat enough his tummy will hurt in the morning hasn’t changed his response that his tummy is full. Should we switch to water with dinner? Any other suggestions?
Sarah Remmer says
Hi Roxy, I’m so sorry you’re having these troubles. I know exactly what it’s like and you’re doing the best you can! Could you please contact me privately? I’d love to help you further with your individual situation. Here is my contact form: https://www.sarahremmer.com/contact/
Angela Kowalczyk says
Hi! This was a great read! I am struggling so badly with my 6 y/o son! It’s breaking my heart and I worry and stress constantly! He’s so smart and wonderful and he’s not unhappy or unhealthy but I honestly don’t know how because he doesn’t eat nearly enough! I have older kids 25 & 21) and I don’t remember struggling like this but it’s been a while lol. When he was young he ate anything then he started being picky and now it is beyond and I don’t know how to fix it I feel like I’ve tried everything and failed and I need help and don’t know where to even begin to find it!
Sarah Remmer says
Angela, thank you so much for sharing all of this. I know how concerning this can all be! You are in the right place. I highly recommend you book a session with my team: https://www.sarahremmer.com/book-an-appointment/ You can also check out my new book Food To Grow On – it’s a super handy guide for all things feeding. https://www.sarahremmer.com/food-to-grow-on/ Sending you lots of compassion!
Pam Banks says
Thanks for the article! Do you have any advice for grandparents? We occasionally babysit our 3 year old granddaughter who absolutely loves snacks and asks for them the minute she enters the door. We want this to be a fun place to visit. Is it okay to let her have dessert after meals? Do we say “no” to dessert if she doesn’t eat much at a meal? So we won’t “bribe” her to eat her meal but do we allow dessert if she does eat well or say “no dessert you didn’t eat well” after the meal has happened already?
Sarah Remmer says
Hello Pam, so glad you’re asking these excellent questions! I think this article will really help, but the bottom line is to not turn food into a reward or bribe and to keep things as neutral as possible. Also, following the division of responsibility is key. This means that you allow her to eat as much or as little as she needs to from what she is served, in any order. https://www.sarahremmer.com/five-common-feeding-mistakes-that-parents-make/
If you have further questions, I’d highly recommend checking out my book Food To Grow On! It answers all of your questions and more! https://www.sarahremmer.com/food-to-grow-on/
Susanna says
Hi, I read your article and my son who is 17 months does not eat besides pediasure and snacks we try feeding him meals we leave him alone but he will throw it on the floor. He is only 22 lbs so we often cave to giving him snacks just to give him calories. I often wonder if he will ever want to eat food.
Sarah Remmer says
Hi Susanna, first of all – I am so sorry you are going through these frustrating times. Without knowing your full situation, I would start by saying that little ones love learning how to take control of the situation if they can, so if you are showing emotions of frustration, they will catch on. I don’t know all the details, so I cannot really make an in-depth comment, so please feel free to contact me through my website!
Bianca cruz says
I have same problem but minr have never had any solid food at all only veggie straws let me know if anything have changed and what you did. I know the feeling hope everything is better now
Kathryn says
What about dessert? We often have fruit or yogurt based desserts planned as a part of the meal and HAVE employed the “2 more bites or no dessert”. But my husband doesn’t want to give dessert if our 3yo won’t eat more than 3 bites. Should we not give dessert?
Sarah Remmer says
Hi Kathryn, great question! I know us parents have the best of intentions when we try to get our kids to eat just a few more bites, but this often backfires as it’s a form of pressure and also crosses over into the child’s responsibility of eating. Try avoiding the pressure to have a few bites and see what happens over time! You can definitely still serve dessert with your meals, if that is something you do as a family. Please check out this blog post https://www.sarahremmer.com/picky-eating-four-common-mealtime-battle-triggers/ and this one https://www.sarahremmer.com/how-to-get-your-child-to-try-new-foods/ may help! Please contact me by email with any specific questions or if you’re really struggling!
Laura says
Hi Sarah,
I’ve read your blog and all the comments, I have a different problem with my daughter. She’s 3 years old and every meal time I ask her and her older brother her what they would like to eat. Generally he says what he would like and she says the same, for example cereal, then they choose which one they would like.
Both sit down to eat it he will eat everything and she will pick at it. He will get down as his finished and my daughter will sit there not eating. I ask if she’s finished and she will say no, but not eat. If I say okay you have been up here long enough (sometimes she could be up there for a hour at dinner time) and ask again if she’s finished and that if she doesn’t want to eat anymore it’s okay, she will either ignore me or say no. But I explain that she’s been up there for a very long time and that now it’s time for a shower and bed, start clearing up the table and when you remove her plate she has a massive meltdown! Even though she’s been sitting up the table with it for ages and not eating. Then she will start saying “I’m hungry I’m hungry” but she’s been sitting up the table for ages not eating the food she chose.
Both her dad and I have had enough of how she is with meal times. We don’t let her snack lots during the day and she only have milk in the morning and water the rest of the day.
I’m not sure if we should take her to the doctor or if this is just a 3 year old girl thing as we have never had it with our son who is 5.
Sarah Remmer says
Hi Laura, first of all, I am sending so much compassion your way. My heart goes out to you as I know how difficult this can be. The fact that you are researching ways to help your daughter with a do no harm mindset is amazing, so thank you for reaching out. From what I can gather, it sounds like you are on the right track in setting up mealtime boundaries, which is so important. I’d prefer not to provide specific advice over a blog post, so I’d ask that you please contact me here https://www.sarahremmer.com/contact/ or you can email me directly at sarah@sarahremmer.com. I hope that helps and I look forward to hearing from you. Sarah XO
Aleisha says
I have sent an email to your team about this same behaviour displayed by my three year old- saying he’s hungry but then not eating and basically eating nothing all day. We have tried 8bly giving him what we have and after a week he ate nothing. We have tried giving him all his favourites to take the pressure off and hebis now not eating some if those foods. It’s like he really wants control but ai don’t know what he gets from it as he must be so hungry. He eats no vegetables, rice, pasta and only small party pies sometimes for meat. I really need help as I have been to a speech therapist and an OT and now I am really struggling to contain my frustration which is making things worse.
Sarah Remmer says
Hi Aleisha, we are so sorry to hear you’re struggling with this. We have checked our emails and may have missed your email; we sincerely apologize for this. Would you kindly be able to email us at bookings@sarahremmer.com at your earliest convenience? We would love to help you with this.
Lourdes says
Recent divorced mom. My son is 2.5 years, he doesn’t eat at all, take small snacks. He used to eat fruit and some bread now, he changed his habits. Is this related to a development delay!? My ex mother In-law never introduced real solid food to my son, she was afraid that he was going to choke with food…
Sarah Remmer says
Hi Lourdes, thanks for sharing this. I am sending you so much compassion right now. It can definitely feel overwhelming when it seems like your little one regresses. I cannot provide specific advice here as I don’t know your whole history. You are welcome to contact me on my website. I would also recommend signing up for my course: https://www.sarahremmer.com/shop/mealtimes-solved-2/
Bianca cruz says
I have a 3 years old and he had never really ate anything only formula and veggies straw he already been check with a couple doctors ans specialists to see if he had any health problem but nothing that they have find out. Now he is with a therapist and they say is just a behavior and that I’ll have to get rid of anything he likes to make him eats what he is suppose too i never seen such a thing and i need some experience or if anything have change. Im so scared to do it and make everything worse
Sarah Remmer says
Hi Bianca, I am sending you so much compassion right now. I know how hard it can be. I’d love to have a chat with you further about your individual situation. Please contact me here: https://www.sarahremmer.com/contact/
Sara says
Thank you for this article. My 5 year old picks at her meals unless it’s her favorite (pasta etc.) We tell her she can listen to her body and eat until she feels full. When says she’s done we know she hasn’t eaten enough. I ask her “are you sure your belly is full?” She always says yes. Then right at bedtime she wants food or a snack and throws a huge fit. We’ve given in a few times by giving a cracker which has made it worse because now it’s almost nightly.
I’ve tried to do “her choice” at lunch so she feels like she has control and parents choice at dinner. We’re really at our wits end and any advice would be great. Thank you.
Sarah Remmer says
Hi Sara, I’m so glad you’re here. This is so very common and please know you’re not alone in this. Without knowing your full situation, here are a few things to consider:
1. Is it possible she is coming to mealtimes too full? How far apart are meals and snacks?
2. Would you be open to the idea of making a bedtime snack a part of the family routine? The time between dinner and bedtime snack is when the kitchen is closed, but you could reassure your little one that if she’s “all done” at dinner, that bedtime snack will be coming soon.
3. When it comes to food selection, that really should be up to the adults. Certainly, little ones can be a part of food preparation, but it is the adult’s responsibility to offer one or two foods that are familiar (like pasta) in addition to foods everyone is eating. Little ones will exercise any control they can get if they have a choice in what to eat!
If you’d like to connect further, please feel free to contact me by email here: https://www.sarahremmer.com/contact/
Raylin says
I’m struggling to get my 14 yr old, 6 yr old, and 3 yr olds to eat (the 9 yr olds eats perfectly). Pretty sure my teen uses not eating as a form of control, so I’ve backed off completely and let her do her own thing with food, hasn’t made much of a difference (on going issue for years, haven’t pestered her about it in probably a year give or take). The little kids just want to play, they’d rather go hungry so they can play. We take away toys, but they’ll still run off from the table to play. I’m at the point of thinking I might need to put all toys behind a locked cabinet so they can only have access after breakfast time (whether they eat or not, but starting the morning with toys is a problem). The 6yr old is the worst, even if he’s not leaving the table he flops about on the bench. I’ve been hoping that the natural consequence of being hungry would be enough but it’s not making a difference. They are only allowed snacks between meals if they ate their previous meal, and we don’t do juice or milk at all. We do have the dinner time rule that salad is eaten first before the meal, I’m wondering if we need to remove this rule (seems to be 6yr olds biggest struggle, but he’ll play and not eat even if it’s pie for breakfast, I promise it’s a healthy pie)? Every meal is a fight, even when it’s fun food, it got worse when my elderly diabetic mother in law moved into the house and that started a good deal of contention around meal times. How can we encourage them to eat when they just want to play? And should I stop having salad first as a rule?
Before seeing your article i did get the kids input on meals for the week, French toast for dinner last night, kids were so excited, 6 yr old still wouldn’t eat. Now that I’ve read your article I’ll do what we can to back off the pressure we’re putting on the little kids, but I don’t really know what that looks like when they just run off to play, do I just say that if they get up then they are done eating?
Sarah Remmer says
I know so many parents can relate to this! You are not alone. Thank you for sharing your story with me. You are right in that having structured mealtimes is important. So if your child decides to run off and play, you can say that the kitchen will be closed until bedtime snack (or whenever the next opportunity for eating is). I’d love to continue this conversation further if you want to talk it out in detail. You can contact me here: https://www.sarahremmer.com/contact/
Hera says
I also thankful to have found this blog! Tea time tonight was horrible and I was feeling at my wits end. I have a 5 and 2 year old who are struggling with eating. My 5 year old refuses to try anything new and my 2 year old who was previously an amazing eater has all of a sudden become extremely picky and won’t touch anything. I will be trying this strategy from tomorrow onwards and can not wait to see how we get on. Thank you so much!!
Sarah Remmer says
Hi Hera! So happy you found this post and that this was helpful. Feeding kids is no small feat. If you haven’t already, you can take a look around here for more helpful information: https://www.sarahremmer.com/new-start-here/ And please feel free to follow me on Instagram @sarahremmer where I share lots of helpful feeding tips. XOXO
Flory says
thanks for the great advice
Saba says
Em like so tense when I talk about food with my 14 months ..I never found that he is really interested in eating ..I give him wide variety of food everytime ..I give him independency to eat but at the last of everything I feel so worried about his behaviour with food he looks so lean but active ..where em doing mistake why he is doing this?
Sarah Remmer says
It sounds like you’re doing your job in providing him with nutritious feeding opportunities. Kids are naturally intuitive eaters, so it’s okay to trust him and his ability to listen to his tummy. Is he following his own individual growth curve? If you would like to talk directly with a dietitian please email my associate RD Lesley at lesley@sarahremmer.com. She’d be more than happy to help you and your son gain confidence in eating/feeding.
Kimalyn says
My 3 year old daughter is not actually a food person. It’s been like this for a while now and everytime I tried to get her to eat is some kind of problems. All she ask for is only tea ,tea ,tea and its frustrating me as a mom. The moment I offered a snack she will quickly eat it, sometimes I try to increase her appetite by some medicine and she would still ask for tea…
Now ,there is time when she might eat and then won’t again, even wen in school. I don’t know what else to do again for her to eat.
Andromeda G. says
The article was very helpful. My 2 year old has not been eating very much and had started to just hold the food in her mouth. I will try some of the suggestions to see if it helps. I will admit that when it is time to eat dinner when the children start to play the adults will yell at them to stop playing and eat. So we will try to space them apart more and let them set the pace for eating.
Sarah Remmer says
Good luck! Feeding toddler’s is tough. Let me know how it goes!